Where is your strength?

Ever just really surprise yourself? More than just letting out a really loud fart when you thought it was just going to be a little squeaker. But truly surprised yourself with your own capabilities. I used to really be stuck in the mode of thinking that being good at something was being prideful, that was a sin and you should not be prideful. Humility was the goal.

I had to put that down at some point, I had to embrace who I am and that I have the capability to do great good or great evil, the choice is mine and I can do whatever I want with it.

But, as a new guy in a new job, I am still scarred shitless most days. I wake in the night scarred that I made a bad choice the day before. I worry that I blow off something as minor and that it was truly something horrible.

Had a person come in and they had drowned out at sea, not a good case to start with, but the whole code went really smoothly. I intubated and placed a central line, two procedures that can be tricky and nailed them both. It was a moment of need and I rose to meet the challenge.

Some days I feel that I have an unlimited potential. I just need the challenge to push me forward. I need the motivation to move me. Don’t take it to mean that I don’t give up. I have done my share of giving up and quitting, but there is also strength there, the question is how to tap into that strength.