Saturday, May 01, 2010

Where is your strength?

Ever just really surprise yourself? More than just letting out a really loud fart when you thought it was just going to be a little squeaker. But truly surprised yourself with your own capabilities. I used to really be stuck in the mode of thinking that being good at something was being prideful, that was a sin and you should not be prideful. Humility was the goal.

I had to put that down at some point, I had to embrace who I am and that I have the capability to do great good or great evil, the choice is mine and I can do whatever I want with it.

But, as a new guy in a new job, I am still scarred shitless most days. I wake in the night scarred that I made a bad choice the day before. I worry that I blow off something as minor and that it was truly something horrible.

Had a person come in and they had drowned out at sea, not a good case to start with, but the whole code went really smoothly. I intubated and placed a central line, two procedures that can be tricky and nailed them both. It was a moment of need and I rose to meet the challenge.

Some days I feel that I have an unlimited potential. I just need the challenge to push me forward. I need the motivation to move me. Don’t take it to mean that I don’t give up. I have done my share of giving up and quitting, but there is also strength there, the question is how to tap into that strength.


Fieldmouse said...

rad. that is all

SJ said...

on tapping into strength, an issue so hard to face

Eric Alder said...

That line about the fat in this post reminded me of a haiku I wrote:

farts are not what you expect
Never trust a fart