Saturday, September 06, 2008

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."

I really hope that I am not becoming bitter. I know people who have worked in the medical system and have become bitter. It makes me sad. I think that I would have a long way to go because I started out a long way from being bitter. But I think that it could happen. I think that it just takes a little bit of effort to keep the bitterness out of your heart. I feel it creeping into my sole, I think it could eat me if I do fight it.

I got to do a total hip replacement on a very nice 60something-year-old man who is a refugee from Burma. He had broken his hip three years ago and had just not been using his leg. After the recent flooding in his country, he was let into the US as a refugee. We were able to place the new hip and I really hope that he will be able to get back up and even walk around. It would be amazing! To have a hand in helping him with regaining his mobility and freedom is such a powerful thing.

The thing that struck me was this: Two weeks ago I had to help in a below the knee amputation. Gangrene wound in the foot of a diabetic. There was no joy in that for me. I was holding her leg in my hand and knew that it would never be used again for walking. That this person would most likely never walk again. They would live in a wheel chair and would probably be dead within two years. They would have eaten themselves into a grave.

We are poisoning our own bodies. We are killing our bodies as the rest of the world starves. Is this god’s idea of a sick joke? I feel no justice in this. It makes my heart ache.


Jenny said...

yes, I hear you. I think especially the hurt healers and justice seekers in this world have to take care to not get burned out or bitter. What keeps you going sustainably, Matt? For me, some of it includes time to get away and be in nature or in a coffeeshop by myself, time to just hang out with the friends I enjoy effortlessly, and time to take my anger/frustration/woundedness to jesus. Those are the things that keep me going right now.

Carrie said...

I hear your cries my dear friend. I believe that you are here to make a difference in this world and therefor feel things a bit more deeply.
Remember to take care of you!
and BREATH. . .

Search out ears, even when mouths may be talking, they will listen when you speak.