“One of the great acts of American patriotism would now be called an act of terrorism, but I guess its patriotic to not like tea.”

I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of life, how I have this crazy desire to be free, yet I find myself hiding in the comfort of subjugation. I consistently put myself into positions of servitude. Binding myself to some cause or person in order to not have to make that choice for myself. I buck so hard at the idea of being controlled, yet it seems that at every turn there is someone or something forcing their will upon me. I shirk the idea of being in charge yet I chafe under the charge of others. Complex I know.

I have this love hate relationship with the military. I love it because it allows me to belong to something much greater then myself, I love my country, I love the men and woman who chose to defend it. It breaks my heart when I see how some of the military people bully and push others around. I want to not see that part, I want to see the part where we send medical ships to other places and do great work helping people. Is it selective thinking?

So, I am idealistic, I dream, I have unrealistic expectations of myself and of others around me. For some reason I think that we have a duty to help people. Actually, I would say that I have that duty, I don’t really care if the rest of the world does not see it that way. Its core to who I am. I dream of being able to help people in a meaningful way, of doing something profound with my life, of changing the world in a small and fundamental way. I don’t mean changing world policy, I realize that the world is run by corrupt men who get fat and lazy off the sweat and blood of normal people. But to change the way that someone looks at the world, perhaps even for the better. To give a chance where there was no chance before, THAT is what I call changing the world.

Great, now how do I actually do that?