Sunday, November 05, 2006

to succeed or not?

So, an interesting thing happened to me Friday. I sorta failed. I had applied for grad school as a Physician Assistant, and was planning on starting up in May. Well, I got an email telling me that I did not even rate enough to get an interview. Sad really, I am on the wait list, really this has taken some of the wind out of my sail so to speak, I am far from being out of options and chances. I have several chances if someone else bags out on the interview that they have, still it sucks. I guess that I was fairly sure that this thing would work out for me, but feel really defeated, like I tried really hard and was just not good enough. The funny part is it did not really hurt, I did not fall apart and crumble, even if I am in a really crappy place (physically and geographically) all it made me do was to start thinking about what else I could do with my life. That was the big shock, I was not mad or even really all that upset about it, it was almost freeing. I have had this idea to become some kind of medic for so long that to not have it was almost freeing, I could really do anything that I wanted to. So I started looking for things to do, I tried to find something quasi medical in Ecuador where I know an MD who came up to OSU to teach for a term, so I thought that perhaps I could do something that would make me a better applicant for next year. That experience was really sad, there were so many places that need help, but if your not an MD or RN, your kinda out of luck, or you end up having to pay the person to work for them.

I guess that you could say that that one little email changed a lot of ideas that I was holding on to. I started looking for what I would do now with my life now that I cant be a PA, and there are just so many different things that would be fun. I can hear all those people who told me that I should do such-and-such and the voices are not friendly, they are almost critical. Tonight should be an interesting night of dreams or lack there of. Well, perhaps I can fall back on my mad racquet ball skills and go pro?

"Success is measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
~Booker T. Washington


Anna said...

Madd raquetball skillz is right! Speaking of being in the medical field and having creepy dreams, I have been reading about the life of a Dr. Paul Brand, who spend his whole life working with lepers. Reading about him really got me thinking how awesome and rewarding it is to help and love people, especially those that don't get any. Hope you figure out your next direction soon.