risk, its not just a game.

So, few are the people who I am closely and intimately bound with, I guess in reality, there are quite a few people who I am bound with, many more than some people I know, it feels that our lives have just become wound together, our roots have mingled into eachother, around and with the other. We have grown together, it has been said that the greatest bonds of brotherhood are formed in combat, or strife or struggle. I would agree, when I have been so defeated and wounded, and hurt that I would let my guard down, amazing friends stood by me, loved me, cared for me and held my hand even when I showed how truly ugly I can be. I found this thing called love, where my friends became important to me, not the love of Hollywood, but a true caring and compassion, a real friendship kind of love. I guess that part of me wants to care for and love people, but a big part of me is scared of loving someone, and it not being returned. So, the idea that god can just give out love like it’s a candy really hit me hard, is there really anything worse than caring about someone who does not return the care? I know that my friends will still love me, but I fear that kind of abandonment, I fear that somehow even though they have stuck with me through thick and thin, that I will demand too much. So, things happen, life changes and friends that I once thought were true and intimate friends start to grow in different directions than where I am going. Its not a bad thing, its just life, I don’t love them any less, and its OK with me that life and friends change, how boring would life be if people did not change. Even if the people grow in different directions, I feel that we will still be lifelong friends, that life was meant to be shared, that by sharing life, you experience things that are not inside your control. Sometimes I will not do something because I fear failing at it, but with a friend, they bring an independent part into it, so it grows you outside your normal bounds. Back to the plant analogy, if your part of a symbiotic system, your root system might be expanded by an association with fungi, the fungi reach places and things that your normal roots don’t, your friends reach places that you wont, cant or don’t. They grow you in different ways, some ways that are painful and you might not chose to grow in, but friends can force it on you. Friends are good.

M@


"TO RISK:
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas or your dreams before the crowd is to risk there loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure"