"they know enough, they that know to learn"~ inscription on one of my undergrad buildings

Days have ceased to mean anything. Whats the difference if you are working the next day or not, really I just make sure I am to work when the day/time approaches that I am supposed to be there. Other than that, I wonder.

I have taken up the sport of wondering. I put my body armor and back pack on and I walk. I walk down to “the wire” and I look out over the desolate waste and ponder why in the world people would want to fight and die for this shit hole of a place. I walk and I practice the art of looking at my feet to make sure I don’t fall over one of the odd shaped rocks. Ever read The Long Walk by King? Interesting book, I read it on the way over here and I think about it every so often as I walk.

I read I am Legend yesterday. It was quite possibly one of the most frustrating moments. I was reading and reading and loved the story and it was at the climax but I was only half way through the book, so I knew that there was much more to come. Then the shock of discovering that it was not just that one story, the book was a collection of short stories, so no, my story that I was interested in ended and I was so very upset and disappointed. Perhaps I will have to watch Omega Man today to make it a wash. Charlton Hesston is The Man.

I am learning new things and am refining who I am as a practitioner of medicine. It is scary, but I have devoured multiple medical books on a range of topics. The odd thing is that I am getting so very much out of them. I would read a book in school and ponder its meaning, try to retain whatever tidbit might be on the test, but this is different.

Take nausea for example. I read new and interesting ways to decrease the symptom of nausea. Just read about them, then this morning at 0300, I had a nauseous person come in. I tried a new combination of medicine that I had never given for that specific reason. It worked.

Medicine is scary, and I think that I tend to find one medicine that I know, that I feel comfortable with, safe. Then I use that medicine, I know its dosing, I know its effects and side effects, it becomes known to me. Branching out is scary. Especially if it comes from a book, for some reason, its easier to trust when some doc you know and trust says “use this at this dose”. But that may not be the best science, how do they know, what info are they basing it off of? I don’t really have a choice here. Its not like I can go to lecture and ask the professor for a new witches brew. This may be even better, I have a written down formula that is widely accepted by experts in the field. I have to trust them, my patients trust me. I am learning. I am growing.