Saturday, November 13, 2010

Why we fight.

We fight every day. Perhaps not the fighting as in shooting or stabbing or kicking in the nuts/ovaries, but each of us faces battles every day of our lives.

I am loosing, have been the last few days. Every day may be a winner or a looser depending on what happens, but some losses are worse than others.

Its not a loss against age or time or our own body, but a loss against the soul. I have lost a part of my soul in this place. I don’t think it will come back. I have crossed a line that I never truly thought I would, yet here I stand clearly on the other side of that line wondering how I managed to get where I am.

I don’t want to talk about “IT” I hate myself the more because of “IT”. Part of me wants to say that I am able to be honest with myself and that’s why I am here. But I see things in me that I can truly hate. Not hate, but part of myself that is disgusted with my own soul. But I don’t hate “IT”, I like “IT”, that is the part that scares me. I don’t hate it on an inner level.

I have discovered something about my soul that some spend a life seeking. I have looked into the mirror of life and seen ugly and beautiful things about myself. I hope that this is a glimpse. I am clearly not bound by anything. I make my path. I make my choices.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger Leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”~ Yoda