Friday, October 15, 2010

"carry on my wayward son, there will be peace when you are done"

I seek peace. Not a world without war kind of peace, but my own personal piece of peace.

I am taking care of a very old local man, this place is hard on the body. A twenty year old looks more like he is 35, so a man who is “70 or 80 something” looks absolutely ancient. It gives me a moment of happiness to provide for a few small comforts to an old man in this harsh place. I go out of my way to take care of him. I know I should have all my patients in my top position and do my absolute best for each one, but this old man struck me and I love him and just want to help him.

He is not a good guy. He is not a bad guy, just not a really good guy either. He said something profound to me the other night. He said “God bless you for your kindness and respect. We (locals) are a stupid people, God held out his hand with food in it through you people, and we hit his hand away”.

I have been pondering this much as of late. I don’t know that I have a really good answer to what it all means. It could just be pink smoke that he is blowing up my arse because well, people do that, but it could just be the true thoughts of this old man.

I find many moments of quite thought here. I don’t know that my mind has been challenged in this way in a while. For the last few years I have been focused on learning a trade. I have worked hard at sharpening my mind and memorizing facts. This is different. The world is outside and it just does not mean the same thing it did just a few months ago.

What is real now is breakfast, gym, lunch, dinner, sleep, do it all over again. Some work tossed in there for good measure, but that’s the reality of my day in a nutshell.

I ponder my own mortality as I am surrounded by the death and dismemberment of so many people. I do not draw a great deal of job satisfaction out of my current situation.


t. said...

I always enjoy catching up w your blog. Hang in there.