just another monday on tuesday

I have returned to my little island in the middle of the ocean. Interesting enough, some friends are going out to the movie and I tag along. We watch shutter island.

I will preface this by saying that it is perhaps not the best film to watch when suffering from an 18-hour jet lag, separation from loved ones, and drastic climate change. I really got lost in the madness of the whole situation. I felt more than a little trapped in my current situation.

Overall a good movie, but it just freaked me out. I was already in a funk because of feeling more than a little isolated. Its odd, here is a smaller community than the one that I normally have lived in. Its its own ecosystem. There are only 180 thousand people on the whole island, you cant help but start seeing the same people. But my heart is not in it, my heart is not here. I am holding out and not engaging.

I desire so strongly as a life goal to be able to find a community and to engage with the people there. I am jealous of my friend Erin who has planted into a community. My life here is of a transient nature. As is everyone else’s , it’s the nature of the beast inside this system. I don’t have to like it.

I think that I will leave this system at the end of this obligation. I will endeavor to find a community that I can engage with, one that I can plant into. Its not settling down, heaven forbid that, but it’s the idea of being part of the whole process, to have an impact on the community as a whole that you live in. I want to go to the highschool football game, I want to be more than “that tall guy with the glasses”.

The question is if you can find that community anywhere. I suppose that I could find it here, but I want to be able to know people for years and years, to become deeply intertwined with their life. I did not get into this to be the guy that you go to to get your pill fix.

I want to be part of a community organism.