Thursday, April 16, 2009

almost got em.

So, what has happened? Things were different today. It’s a bit as if the sun has risen on the battle field in the Lord of the Rings. It was dark and dreary; I had no hope. I was afraid. All I saw was the darkness and stench of death that I was wallowing in. I was afraid that all that I had worked for was for not. That I would fall in the last hours of the fight.

Overly dramatic? Perhaps. That experience brought me to tears. I had to call friends and beg of them to listen to my sorrow. To be told that I am not a horrible person. That it was not a good situation. Then I had to eat some fudge, drink a few beers and eat some hot wings. Once I had slept on it, it did not look so black this morning. I still dreaded the drive to work, it made my stomach turn to walk back into the ICU and smell the same smells. BUT. Today was not bad, today I feel like perhaps I even got a chance to help someone. I helped two people leave the ICU today. One of them even knew who I was. Its odd that of all the people that I help, most have no clue who I am. Most are delirious or have some stages of dementia. I don’t blame them. This place literally drives me crazy and I get to leave after 10 or so hours. I get to go home and sleep some without the incessant beeping, binging, bleeping, winging, blinging, and not to mention some random person coming in to wake you up and check to see if you are sleeping OK. This place is a nut house. No as in a place that you would want to buy some hazelnuts, or almonds or pecans. But the other kind.

People walked (sorta) out of the icu today. Despite our best efforts, we did not kill them. It looks like two people may make it out alive. I will be sure to try and update you if I can.