Tangent alert

            So I am the master of the tangent, I have known this for a while but never really thought anything of it.  Today I stumbled across something that I feel is note worthy so I need to share it.  In a lot of settings I have always been a little out there, no not there, out there.  For example in my bible studies this year, our fearless leader would come to the study with great ideas about where he wanted to go and what he wanted to teach.  He would always have the hardest time because every five minuets someone would say something and I would be off like a rocket in a random direction.  I really did not mind that much, but it annoyed the leader a little. 
            This brings me to something else I wanted to talk about.  My whole life I have been the P.K. a preacher’s kid so honestly it was never OK for me to question things or beliefs held by the church, I was the good kid remember.  So I always just sat there and nodded in agreement, but inside I was fighting the urge to jump up and say “but snakes cannot talk they don’t have the tongue”.  Or if I did, man, the tongue-lashing would start.  Have you ever noticed that, how if you question any part of what a church believes the immediate response is anger and hostility?  Why is that? Why if we are holding the truth of the ages, the rock and the foundation of the universe do we get so defensive if it is questioned?  The beauty of truth is that it does not need you or I to defend it, it simply is the truth and that is enough.  The sad part is that growth comes from questioning.  So when we stifle questioning we stifle growth and all we are left with are short silent people. 
            So where do these random tangents come from?  Something that I discovered today is that I feel like my questions and tangents are coming out of a search, and that search is for my heart.  Again the ever so long process of owning my religion instead of just living the life put in front of me.  I have to ask the questions, I have to challenge the established thought, and I have to dig, dig until it hurts.  I have to learn to follow where my heart is leading.  “The glory of God is man fully alive” (Saint Irenaeous).  The question here is what is a man that is fully alive?  Is it a man that sulks in the back pew angry and disgruntled because the drum set is too loud?  Is it the man who is convinced he will find God at the bottom of a bottle?  Is it someone who thinks they will find fulfillment in the physical intimacy of a lover?  Is it the person who hides behind work or school?  Or is it someone who takes just the slightest second to listen to where his heart wants to go, and take that first step of faith along an uncertain path? 
            How scary, to live from your heart, when every input out there is telling you that your heart is evil, to not trust your heart to use your brain, think things through logically.  I ask you this question, is your brain any more trustworthy than your heart?  The big question, perhaps the only question is what does God want with me?  I know a lot of Christians, good people, I am fairly certain that if God were to come down and say to them “Take the red pill” or “choose door number 2” they would.  So why are so many of us asking what we should do, somewhere along the line we are losing that signal.  I know that God has most excellent plans for my friends and I, I know that we are willing to follow.  Stay with me here, what I am thinking is; that we have a full proof blueprint ready at hand.  It is chiseled into each and every one of our hearts.  All we have to do is filter out the noise that is so prevalent in our daily walk.  I know, sounds simple but not so easy to execute.  Here is a brain twister, live just a little, follow that random thought, question everything, think it through without trying to put it into a box before you start.  Above all do not be afraid to look the fool, there is amazing freedom in chasing after your heart.  Yes I do look foolish, scattered, and random, but the justification is in holding on to that little grain of truth pondering it, living it.  Perhaps in stretching outside of our box just a little, following that little desire or thought we move ever so slightly in the direction we need to.  God does not always need to tell us what to do with our life, he already has, and we just need to know where to look. 
Caution here I can see this easily being a point of attack and defeat.  Desire, so important and yet so dangerous at the same time.  Our desire is so easily mislead so how do we keep to the true desire and how to filter out unchrist-like desire?  I guess that this is where you have to truly trust your friends.  Confide in them, speak the desire you are feeling and pray over each and every one.  I personally know that sometimes I have a very poor judgment about some desires, but I have amazing friends who check me and if need be slap me upside the face and ask, “what are you thinking!!” 
Well here is fragment of a glimpse into the mind-o-matt, chew it over and let me know what you think.